As someone who suffers with some mental difficulties when the pressure starts to build (aka general life), which ranges anything from an untidy house to needing to go and collect something from the post office, do you know what I have decided would be a great idea? Adding more crap to our home that will require cleaning, feeding, nurturing, loving and attention.
We are getting a pet.
I’m not fully insane, yet, so it’s not a cat or a dog. No, we are starting out small with a hamster. I should point out there is very little ‘we’ in this story. Dave isn’t against the idea but you certainly don’t see him spending an entire morning looking at all types of weird and wonderful hamster cages that are available, trawling through every site imaginable, reading reviews, looking at pet owner’s pictures of cages being occupied by their furry little buddies. No, only a nutter would spend the best part of a day looking up which type of hamster bedding has the best user satisfaction….
There’s nothing wrong with being thorough!
To give credit to myself, I have been wanting a pet for a while, that’s why we had Jess. Kidding. So I’v sat on the idea for a long time. Ideally I would like a better pet – ohhhhhh no, can I say that? I had pet rats before, RIP Misty, they are awesome. Very intelligent little buddies, I somehow, without trying, managed to train mine to not pee or poop outside the cage. The same can’t be said for Jess unfortunately. I even had a little rat harness so I could take it a walk outside! I’m painting myself as a crazy rat lady here….
Whatever! Rats are much better than hamsters, however they are social and need a buddy. Therefore you need a big cage to house them correctly. I don’t have space to store a bloody trike let alone a rat palace. Rabbits are also out the question. Our back garden isn’t secure and we have a fox living at the end of it. That would be a terrible fate for a fluffy buddy. I’v never had a reptile and I guess they need some heat lamps and a tank, that’s too much like hard effort (cash) to me. I don’t do birds. Plus we are in Glasgow, there are plenty of pigeons and seagulls kicking about, Jess can name one of those and feed it if she likes. Fish is an option, but I want….I mean Jess, wants a pet she can hold and snuggle. Jess won’t snuggle her parents but she’ll struggle snuggle the neighbours cats, who are not her biggest fan, to put it nicely.
When you whittle it down, a hamster is the best option. But not one of those tiny dwarf, bitey, grumpy little hamsters. My view on them is they are pretty much hamster versions of me, but without the social niceties I have to endure. They bite, eat, sleep and poop. If they could talk I’m pretty sure they would grumble on about the state of the world and how everything is shit. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life, a Syrian hamster it is.
I’m basing the Syrian hamster purely on my niece’s, or should I say sister in law’s hamster. He’s a cool, relaxed little dude that loves a snuggle. He’s a lover not a biter. Jess is a fan of him too, although Jess is a major fan of all pets/animals. Especially cats. But we are no getting a cat, that’s far too grown up – also read as I’m not a huge cat fan – now I’m pretty sure that’s a big no no to admit.
This weekend is hamster day! I did try my luck last weekend, but David (rightfully, whaaaatever) pointed out that we should sort a space out for the little buddy first. I tried my best sad face, big eyes, petted lip but he declined. He’s stronger than my dad! Next, I made Jess watch some hamster YouTube videos, she does a very cute ‘awwww’ followed by a weird heartfelt almost sad squeaking. She does the same when she sees a cat, but changes the squeak for a meow. She acts like the cat just said ‘I’v been kicked out, please help’, she screws up her face, almost in pain meowing and awwwing with great passion and sympathy. She’s mental. After watching the hamster video I told her to tell Daddy ‘hamster please’ with a petted lip and sad voice. I tried various pleas, but Dave stood strong and demanded we wait a week. Sakes! That kind of emotional manipulation would have got me a hamster, cage, pony, Ferrari and unicorn when I was younger. David’s got a strong game.
Not to worry. The extra time has allowed me to purchase hamster stuff we really don’t need, such as a wooden ball, seesaw – (a mini SEESAW!!!!), a wooden bridge, a wooden tunnel and a hut for sleepy time. Oh man, I’m excited!!…for Jess.
I did stop in at the pet shop on the way home the other night. Jess was so excited to see the animals. She really liked the fish, pointing and screaming ‘orange fish’ – it was orange, my toddler is a genius. She got so excited she began to scream and laugh at the fish, fish, fissssh, FISH!!!! So we can confidently say she likes fish. The rabbits were also a huge hit, one came up to the glass as if it was sniffing Jessica’s face, which was Jessica’s cue to start the high pitched ‘awwwws’ before saying ‘fluffaaay’ – one billion times. We then walked round to the hamsters, and do you know what she said?! Yuk! She said yuk! More than once. More than 10 times. A young couple next to the cages began to laugh at Jess saying ‘yuky’. Wee shite that she is. Just before she walked away, in utter disgust it would seem, she parted by saying ‘nasty’. Excellent.
It’s ok. She was calling the dwarf hamsters yuky and disgusting, not the cute and adorable Syrian hamsters, that she will be getting at the weekend. Wee bampot. She better change her tune or she won’t be getting to snuggle my, her new buddy.
I give it a week before she either suffocates the wee thing with a snuggle – a Jess snuggle involves laying her head on the animal, toddlers have massive heads. Now you see why the cats hate her. Or she will lose all interest in the hamster. It will probably coincide with me complaining that I’m the only one that feeds the thing and I do everything else around here so what’s cleaning out a pee and poo filled cage on top of everything else I do?! For goodness sake, will you just take your shoes up the stair already! How many pairs of feet do you have? Do you wear all these shoes at once? Get them put away. And the dishwasher is empty BTW, so put your dirty plates in it. Bloody hell. I don’t know what’s for dinner, can you no look in a fridge? I’m busy cleaning this mother fluffing cage again, which BTW you have never done.
I can’t wait!!!