Some choice words you have there Jess…

WARNING – There are naughty words in this post, but don’t worry they aren’t from me. They are from my 22 month old blaspheming toddler.

‘Oh God’

‘Oh my God’

‘God sake’

‘God!!’

^^ That’s Jess, every day.

We aren’t even religious, maybe that’s why she’s dropping G bombs all over the place. It’s terrible, she will drop one at the simplest of things. She will be sitting reading a book and say ‘oh God’ when she turns the page, every page. She ‘God!’s if she accidentally drops a toy (I add accidentally as she’s recently taken to ‘oh no, dropped it’ on purpose) or if she gets a delicious treat or when she’s playing with her toy house or, well I don’t think she really needs a reason. She just drops G bombs all day long.

I had no idea my language was so naughty, it’s not until you have a miniature sponge following you about, that spouts truths back at you, that you realise you are a naughty talker. I’m not taking the blame for all the Godding! I will own up to ‘God sake’, that one is certainly from me, usually prefixed with a Jesssssss, most likely while I’m wiping up her piss from the laminate, despite me asking her 0.01 seconds previously if she needed the potty. I’m pretty sure she’s picked up a few ‘God’ phrases from her auntie J, it’s not all me, honest!

As if the blaspheming isn’t enough, she is also a huge fan of ‘fuck’. Or as I like to try and ‘correct’ her – ‘fork, like fork and knife, yes? Yes, we eat our dinner with a fork’. Nae chance that poor attempt at a cover up will work. Jess knows what she is saying. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Sometimes, it’s even FUCK!!! I’m not the only one that has noticed this. Of course she’s been papping out the ‘fucks’ while with the grandparents. Ooooof course she did. I can’t even pretend she means another word. Jessica has similar facial expressions to me, meaning her face always shows her emotions. She’s not sitting there happily playing saying ‘fuck’, no. She’s pissed off and she’s letting you know. God sake Jessica, you’re getting me into trouble here!

I know I swear (a lot), but I didn’t think it was thaaaaat bad. Maybe it’s not me, she is with the grandparents for the majority of the week. It must be them. Yes, it must be them. They are teaching her bad words in an attempt to punish me for subjecting them to my tiny terror all week.

But the jokes on them, I’m not (fucking) fussed. Not that I want an almost 2 years old God saking and throwing out F bombs, no. But will I scold her for it? No. I won’t. It’s a word, clearly a word I use a lot. She is mimicking what she see’s and expressing herself similar to that of her peers. It’s almost instinct, automatic, to tell Jess off for swearing (not so much for blaspheming in our house) but she’s simply copying us. Naughty words fall out my mouth quicker than I mean them too sometimes, I can’t help it. And why would I want to help it? I will tone it down in certain company, I’m not a complete arsehole, unlike Jess. But it’s just words. And sometimes there is just no better word to convey your emotions than a sweary one.

Jess has been told off for swearing. Toddlers are special creatures though. If you highlight something, like not saying ‘fuck’, you can bet they will say it again and again and again. Or they might save it for the most uncomfortable time possible, maybe a family dinner or maybe in front of the grandparents that REALLY don’t like to hear swear words. It’s best not to make a big deal out of it. God, I scold her for running about in the shops and you know what she does? She runs wild, blindly in and out of aisles. When I catch up with her she gets the petted lip out, lowers her head and says ‘walk’ coz she knows fine fucking well not to run away. So why bother telling her some words are naughty when she will only add them to her arsenal of parent torture devices.

At the end of the day it’s a word, I get that some people say it’s a ‘bad’ word and of course I will discourage her form using it. Just like I discourage her losing her temper or having a tantrum or shouting at us or snatching things or moaning or being impatient (what a lovely picture of my child I have painted here eh? She’s actually really sweet and kind….in the morning, sometimes, when you feed her). But she won’t be heading to the naughty step for uttering ‘fuck’, unless it’s accompanied by a tantrum or ‘you’ or she’s doing it to rile me up!

How can I tell my child not so say ‘God’ or ‘fuck’ when it spills out my mouth so easily? I don’t want to tell her off, upset her for using a word she has heard me use. How confusing and upsetting would that be for her? She doesn’t understand the negative connotations of swear words or blaspheming, I won’t have her being scolded for something she meant no malice in. Now, if she’s using swear words aimed at someone or in anger, then she will be told off, but more so for her attitude rather than the words. Plus, I’m testament that being told off about swearing (or anything really) does sweet fuck all. So why waste my time and temper on it?

I think the biggest worry with Jess swearing is not what she says, more that I will defend it and in doing so I will need to defend my decision to others – this is true for pretty much every aspect of parenting eh? What should I say to someone if Jess says ‘fuck’ at the dinner table? I will be expected to scold Jess, make sure she never repeats such a terrible word, at the cost of her mood, most likely. If I don’t, I will feel like a terrible parent, raising a wild child. Which is far from the truth. I’m not sure my reasons for tolerating naughty words, likewise I’m not sure what the reason is for not using them? Don’t even attempt to suggest a ‘little girl’ shouldn’t be speaking like that or it’s vulgar or it’s sign of poor intelligence or some snobby crap. It’s just a word man, get over it. There are plenty of worse things a person could be doing.

I am surprised though. Of all the words I say, I thought Jess would pick up on my most frequently used word – arsehole. Although, maybe she hasn’t picked up on it just yet, as usually I’m muttering it under my breath towards her. Blaspheming little arsehole.

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