Why do kids wanna grow up so much?!

I genuinely think I’m turning into a grumpy old man, I’ve got the mustache to prove it.

Call me cynical, but some things just aren’t the same when you become an ‘adult’ – which I’m pretty sure is the term for people who have more issues than an entire season of Jerry Springer, that make it through each day by winging it (and Googling plenty of supposedly adult knowledge such as how to spell supposidly).

Cynical or not (or maybe I’m just moaning, as I’m pretty darn good at it)I bet you will agree, with at least some of the following. And if you dont, you can jog on – ain’t no one need that much positivity in their lives. Continue reading “Why do kids wanna grow up so much?!”


Wednesday Wisdom

Sharing all that knowledge I have swirling in my brain…

It’s Wednesday! What better day to share some wisdom! It has nothing to do with the wonderful Wednesday wisdom alliteration.

Wisdom number 4: Don’t speed, there is no point

This is recent news to me, I must admit that I favour a little bit of heavy footed acceleration, but it turns out there is really no point.

I commute to and from work 5 days a week. The main stint of my journey is on the motorway, one of the busiest. Generally the motorway layout is made of 3 lanes – the slow ass lane, the lane everyone sits in causing rage in others and the fast lane, I mean over taking lane. A bonus word of wisdom is don’t sit in any lane other than the slow ass lane, let people over take you for the love of God.

As you can see, I use the lanes correctly. So when I’m in the ‘overtaking’ lane and some chump speeds right up my arse, well there’s nothing I can really do about that or I would have moved into another lane. Where are they going in such a hurry? We are all on the motorway, all lanes are full, am I missing something? Why aggressively drive up my rear end? Why speed?

Seriously, the only thing you will achieve with speeding is reaching a traffic jam quicker. That’s it. Maybe in the dead of night when all the roads are clear (I am NOT condoning this) would you save time by speeding, but at 5pm on a Tuesday? Naw mate. You are just wasting fuel, causing danger and looking like a fud. I’v tried the speedy speed method of getting home and it saves zero time! So put the radio on, chill out and enjoy the alone time (not that kind of alone time, I don’t judge. it’s not safe while driving).

Unless you must must must reach the polluting mass of engines that is rush hour city centre traffic jams before everyone else,then please try to save fuel, people’s lives and your self respect by not being an arsehole and keep your foot off the gas – but only in the left lane mind.

Wisdom number 5: It’s only cute once

Or maybe that should be start as you mean to go on. For example, say you have a toddler, say you are in a supermarket with that toddler, say that toddler wants out the pram and you think ‘yeah that sounds like a good idea’. STOP! Stop yourself right there!

Think about your actions, do you want to do this for the rest of your life? Are you committed to never ever being able to shop with a restrained toddler ever again? If the answer is yes then you are having a laugh, the answer is no. You don’t get to make this choice again, once you go cute toddler you never go back.

It may be cute to see their funny little half run half walk stumble about the shop, picking up random tins of food, maybe they like to pick up items and place them back on the shelf, maybe other shoppers comment how ‘adorable’ and ‘cute’ your tiny dictator is as she bashes into strangers. But the cost of this is severe. The cost is that this cute toddler will want this freedom EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Not so cute now is it when the wee horror is screaming ‘up!!’ ‘NO!!’ ‘out!!’ while you try to strap them into the pram or shopping trolley as you desperately need to do a quick in out job for milk. They don’t care, it won’t wash with them, you made your choice, you let them taste freedom and now that’s all they want regardless of your needs or wants.

So I echo the wise words of Celine and urge you to ‘Think twice‘ before you make any choice regarding your toddler or you may regret it.

Wisdom number 6: To avoid mood swings eat snacks after clothes shopping

A simple wisdom to follow, but it never works out like that.

I’m not going to lie, the only reason I get excited to go clothes shopping is that the stores are surrounded by food. There’s pizza, pasta, cakes, burgers, cheeky chicken, chips, salads (yuk), cakes, cakes, fresh doughnuts, crepes, hotdogs, cakes, smoothies, milkshakes, ohhhh sugar filled caramel lattes with a wee side of a fudge cake maybe with cream, I like cream and ice cream, the hot and cold textures oh yes!

Oops, I digress.

If you are anything like me your first port of call is always a ‘treat’ before shopping. you may try to justify it by telling yourself you need an energy boost after a long day at work. You have had a tough day and don’t have the energy reserves required for dragging your ass round the shops. So you have a bite to eat.

Now, I’m not sure if it’s just me but do they add some kind of bloating substance to these foods? (I know the answer to this is no and not to eat any of it but shut your face) After snacking it is nigh on impossible to be a sexy slim goddess or god when pouring yourself into various sized clothing (size 10 in one store size 6 in another!). Those bloody non forgiving fitting room lights do not help the problem either.

So if you snack before clothes shopping you are only setting yourself up for a drastic drop in mood. You may even (s)well up when trying on that top that looked ‘big’ on the hanger but has some how shrunk when it gets close to your body. You may even stomp out the store in a huff vowing to never eat a carb again – ain’t nobody happy without eating carbs!

Of course you could buy larger sizes, to me, the most stubborn person I know, this is not an option. I will fit into a size 8!!! (ha ha! no I wont)

If you are going to snack, please do so after shopping for clothes, your sanity will thank you for it.

I’m so wise, I know. I shall be back next Wednesday with more words of wisdom.

Previous wisdom – Wednesday Wisdom