Lady Secrets

Come close, I’m going to tell you a secret. Actually, I’m going to tell you more than one secret so get comfortable (here on my leg).

These are women secrets (said in a seductive, husky voice). Things that (you think would be pretty obvious and men would do already,  but here we are) you can do for your partner to really make her feel loved, appreciated, respected and the center of your world. AKA all the shit a man can do to stop his partner from having the biannual mental eruption of ‘Why are you asking ME whats for dinner when you are in the kitchen?! Are you kidding me? Must I do everything?! I’m out of here, this is bullshit, you do fuck all around here! Fuck you, arsehole!’ – My friend told me she said that once, it wasn’t me.

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You know you’re an (immature) adult when….

When you get fantastically excited about electrical home goods! The older I get the more I realise, you know what? life is just too full of stress to be dealing with sub par appliances. Sometimes they might be more expensive, but bitches ain’t got the energy to be faffing around anymore.

Judge me all you want, but I am going to say this with great pride:

Dyson has changed my life, forever!