I caught the ‘mums’ – but there’s a social media cure for that.

My body.

It’s an amazing thing. It grew and housed another human. It provided food for that tiny human. It expanded, it shrunk, it contracted. It really is a source of amazement – I’m pretty amazed at just how much weight I managed to gain and carry when I was pregnant. I took the guidelines of ‘expected’ weight gains and ate them along side my two lunches before my 3 course dinner. Being pregnant really was a great time (*rain check, other than eating like a hungry horse, no it wasn’t).

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The Scottish Tag

Shout out to my ginger from another ming…er? No,thats terrible. Shout out to my lady over at lifeinthegingerlane for the nomination. Thank you very much!

I do love a wee nomination and whats better than a nomination that is asking questions about Scotland and one that doesn’t require me to nominate 3 billion people!! This is my kind of tag!

Please go and visit my ginger friend, it might give her the boot up the arse she needs in order to give us more posts (she says, as one that rarely blogs these days). She might use the excuse that she is a mumma with another one on the way, but I don’t buy it! So lets all gang up and annoy her until she starts pumping posts out every week!

Question 1: Whereabouts in Scotland are you from?

I’m from a dark and murky city where murders run rife in the streets, kids shout up tae their maw to ask them to throw a piece n jam oot the windae. I live in coronary disease capital of the world, I live in Glasgow, colloquially known as Glesga.

Question 2: Where’s your favourite place you’ve been in Scotland?

Interesting…mmm, let me think. I’m never a favourtie kinda person, I’m dead inside. But, I do feel very much at peace in the highlands. We have use of a family home in Embo, up on the east coast of Scotland, so if you forced me to pick a place, then this is where I would pick.

Question 3: Where would you like to visit in Scotland?

All of it! Like my ginger friend, I too have never been to many of the islands. Well, I did go when I was younger but I don’t remember much. I would also love to go on a spooky haunted tour of Scotland, visiting old abandoned buildings, especially old hospitals for the mentally ill. That would be amazing,  but don’t go planning anything and inviting me as I would most likely bail on account of being a scaredy-cat.

 

Question 4: What is your favourite Scottish film?

Aww man, I don’t know. I hate favourite questions as I never have favourites – other than food and chocolates bars. I feel like I must pick something amazing and cultural, the best of ‘Scotland’…I haven’t even seen Trainspotting. Christ, I can’t even think of a film that is set in Scotland…Dave is going to beat me with a stick for not answering this correctly.

Can I say World War Z? I’m sure they shot some of that in Glasgow?….

*hands David the stick and prepares back for a beating. sigh*

 

Question 5: Do you match up to any Scottish stereotypes?

Pretty sure if you put me in a line up, I would be singled out very easily for being the Scottish lassie. I’m paler that a milk bottle, I have freckles, nae tan – honestly, I can’t stress my paleness enough, my accent is pretty darn Scottish, I would say I have the feisty, stubborn, sarcastic and rude attitude that all us Scots are meant to have. At the drop of a hat I would bend over and flash my arse to you, and slap it for good measure, while shouting ‘feast yer eyes!!’

 

Question 6: What is your favourite Scottish food?

 

Well, well, well…where oh where do I begin?! Listen, I’m taking chicken pakora as Scottish,purely because I can never find it south of the boarder…and I love it. Obviously Irn Bru is there to wash the chicken down. Haggis? I can take it or leave it, although if it’s in the form of a haggis, neeps and tatties stack, well my friends, that changes everything! Get it in me! I’m also a huge fan of the many, many, mannnnny Indian curries that have either been created in Scotland or been given a good auld twist to entertain our Scottish taste buds, I’m thinking Chicken Tikka Masala. Yes baby! There is speculation and debate about the origin of this dish, but for the purpose of this post (and my love of curry and just plain wanting to add it here) I’m going with it being created in Glasgow back in the day.

Sorry to disappoint but I don’t ‘do’ fish, I don’t ‘do’ deep fried anything (gies me the boke), unless that deep fried is a cut tattie in the form of chips then smothered with gravy and vinegar, then we’re talking!

Question 7: Do you follow any Scottish traditions?

Mmmm….other than the tradition of being batshit crazy, i don’t really think so. I’m not a huge fan of Hogmanay, but given the chance of a swally, I do celebrate it and if with friends we will belt out ‘Auld Lang Syne’ while jumping…which might result in the down stairs neighbours ceiling caving in….maybe.

Is it a Scottish tradition to look for fairies while out in the forest? If it is, then yes I follow that one. Can’t wait until I can take Jess a walk and involve her in my hallucinations.

 

Question 8: What is your favourite Scottish word?

Too many. Especially naughty ones or offensive phrases, like ‘shut yer face’ or ‘get tae’. I do partake in a little sweary word now and again and again and, well basically every single sentence, I cani fucking help it.

For fear of looking like a right swear bag nutter I will refrain for listing my favourite profanities or sayings. I’m quite the fan of ‘havering’ as in ‘David, I think you are havering mate’ – talking shite, I say it alot…or maybe David talks shite alot…

‘Don’t gies is’ – You are lying or talking shite, exaggerating, being a pain – basically I’ve had enough of you and it best you beat it.

 

Question 9: What is your favourite Scottish song?

Nawwwww, no again! Please, I don’t have favourites! Aw help ma boab! I’m no picking the Proclamiers or the drunken song we sing at the end of a wedding, naw. Despite loving a Scottish Tag post, I’m no that into nationalism and ‘Moan the Scots!’, so I’m finding it hard to think of a song that doesn’t make me cringe (see The Proclaimers). Sorry, I’m out.

 

Question 10: Can you recommend any Scottish you tubers?

You know, I don’t think I watch any Scottish Youtubers. Saying that, I did come across Jamie Genevieve recently, and I like her videos. I’m not into make up and all that beauty carry on, well I am but I’m far too lazy to be doing all that jazz. But I do like watching her videos, she’s proper Scottish, that accent! Do we really sound like that? We do, don’t we. I always cringe at our accent on TV, but it is what it is eh?

 

 

Rightyo, done!

I’mma gonna mix things up a bit, instead of nominating Scots I would like everyone and anyone to give it a go. Swap out Scotland for your country and then answer the questions. I love reading and learning about other parts of the world, especially all our quirks and differences.So if you feel like it, then give it a go.

There are some people I would like to nominate, purely as I’m a nosey beast, those are –

Fem pants – my sassy Nigerian friend

Mahbuttitches – my weird Goldblum obsessed friend

Opinionatedman – my opinionated man friend and helper of blogs

TheSilentWave – my aspergers informant and great source of knowledge

Becca – my funny ass, like minded friend

DorkyMomDoodles – my weird ass MmmBop loving friend – I don’t judge

And Kat!! But I can never find her blog! Where you hiding lady?! I even went to the great effort of checking FB, but I can’t find your blog! You are probably too busy sunning your self on that Greek sun, but when you have a minute you give me your blog (yet again, I don’t know what I’ve done – I probably do have an email, but since I have over ahem 1000 emails now, well I’m just going to pass on that one) and stop this madness.

*Update – I found her!

As always, there is no obligation to bother your arse with this tag. I’m just curious to see different parts of the world and how we all live.

Bye bitches – the latest line I have been teaching Jessica. Top parent!

 

Oh FFS

Buy your domain they said, it will be fun they said. Do it now they said, it will be easier they said.

It’s been over a week and I’m still knee deep in old posts that went tits up!

FFS man.

Have a hobby they said. It’s taken over my life! Live, eat, breathe and sleep blogging! Doesn’t help that I’m a complete techno illiterate dafty. Should have stuck to being a depressed nut job, at least I could rest after the crying episodes.

Must dash, theres posts to be fixed, FFS.

My fall from grace…or the curb

Did I ever tell you about that time I fell an absolute belter (Scottish for spectacular)?

I never fall, I have lived my whole life in fear of falling, not because I could injure myself, no, I’m hard as nails me. I live in fear of falling as someone might see me, how mortifying?! I was the kid that hung on for dear life to fences and railings in the winter when Mr Jack Frost had coated the entire place, there was no way I was about to deck it (Scottish for fall) in front of a bunch of people, ruthless teenage kids no less. Watching other dare devil kids walking on the ice and ultimately falling, struggling to regain their posture on the slippy, slidey ice was not a sport I wanted to ever take part in. Sure I laughed along with the other kids, calling the poor ice victim a dafty, mocking them for the rest of the school year, but inside I was secretly thankful the ice monsters got them and not me! I fake laughed to distract the other kids while I increased my iron grip of anything close by, including long grass. My walk to school on the ice was slow, nae, a slow shuffle, think of a geriatric old man, shuffling his way to the bathroom at the speed of an ill snail. That was me. I would not be taken down!

30 Things…..Changes

It’s almost time. Time for me to enter a new decade. Time for me to turn 30.

I’m not all too fussed about it, age is but a number right? Maybe, look, I don’t want to give the big 3-0 bad press, but it’s awfully suspicious that the closer it gets the more I notice things. A change in things, new things, getting old things.

In celebration of me….and having serious bloggers block, I’m going to compile series of ’30 things……’ starting off with 30 changes I have noticed as I edge closer to my big 30 day – my birthday isn’t for another 4 months, can you tell I’m struggling to blog at the moment?