The Jess Song

I wrote a song for Jess, in no way shape or form is it inspired or a rip off of John Legend’s ‘All of me’ ….okay, it is. Just think yourself lucky I didn’t record me singing it! I recon I’m a good 1000 blogs away from becoming YouTube confident. Can you imagine the amount of bleeps I would need to add to cover my language?! Jesus, no. I’d need an 18 rating!

It’s best you have the tune of ‘All of me’ in your head before you read my ‘song’ – which I’m going to title….mmm, thinking….yup, ‘All of Jess’. Oft, telling you, if I don’t start winning award’s for my strokes of genius soon, well, there’s going to be a global outcry!

What would I do without your cheeky mouth?

Shouting for me and then ignoring my call

You’ve got my head bursting, I’m no kidding, you’re driving me nuts

 

What’s going on with the stickers on the oven?

I’m at the end of my fucking tether

And I’m so tired, feel like a bus hit me, please let me sleep.

 

My hair is so filthy
But a bun will sort it just fine
You’re crazy and I’m out of my depth

 

Cause me and your dad
Thought ‘we want kids’
We pictured snuggles and rainbows
All that family Pinterest perfections
Instead you give your snot to me
And then there’s all that poo
So naive in the beginning
Even now I wonder what I’m doing
Cause you’ve broken all of me
We’re not the people we used to be, oh oh

 

How many flipping times do I have to tell you
Crayons go on paper and not in the loo
Parenting is beating me down, I need dad to calm my nerves

You’re my heart, you’re my pain

My best decision, despite greys and blues

I can’t stop looking at your pictures, you’re cheeky little smile

 

You’ve ruined our mornings

Can you not sleep past 9

You’re awake and I’m out of coffee

 

You ripped all of me

To make space for all of you

I loved my perfect genitalia

Now I google labiaplasty

I gave my body for you

Now you won’t let me poo

You’re at the door shouting for mummay

Even when I hide you still find me

‘Cause you have fine tuned mum radar

Can you not go find daddy, oh oh

 

Give me that playdoh!

Food on the table and please use the fork!

Risking my sanity for this

 

‘Cause all of me
And your dad too
We love every minute of you
All the late night snuggles and tears
We give all to you
The focus in all we do
You’re the reason that I drink wine
Even when you lose, you’re winning?!
But we still love all of you
And we’ll be mortifying for you

 

We give all for you
But seriously, please let me poo, oh oh